


flash is no longer allowed on field trips

by tony_stank616



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Field Trip, Fluff and Crack, Interns & Internships, Iron dad and Spider son, M/M, Natasha is Adorable, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Canon Compliant, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Peter Parker's Field Trip to Stark Industries, Stark Industries, Steve Rogers is a little shit, Tags Are Hard, Trans Peter Parker, Trans Steve Rogers, Use Of Deadname, and so is Pepper, everyone lives together happily yay, flash thompson is a dick, give them hugs, no redemption for flash, probably some angst later cause apparently im incapable of not writing any, so are bucky and tony, the author wants to commit die, this trope is so unoriginal but i love it anyway, tony never sold the tower, we love natasha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2019-11-07 05:22:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17954372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tony_stank616/pseuds/tony_stank616
Summary: “He was not!”“He was too, you haven’t lived until you walk into the kitchen at three in the morning to see a spider child on the ceiling, eating cake.”“Did you finish the slingers?”“Yeah, now I can make them electric!”“Peter, no.”





	1. A field trip where?

**Author's Note:**

> just ignore all canon here, its fine i wont tell

“No.”

“You’ve got to go!”

“No.”

“Oh come on, they wouldn’t tease you that badly.”

“Are you kidding, Ned, I live with them. They would be merciless.” 

“How bad could it be?”

“Well, Dad is a little shit when he wants to be, which is all the time. Captain dad may seem all, I’m Captain America, I’ve never done anything wrong, but you should see him. That man can be a nightmare. Assassin dad will just act like he doesn’t know what’s going on, until someone is annoying, and then he’ll go all protective dad mode. Nat and Clint will be all assassiny, and Bruce, well Bruce is a good person. Maybe he’ll go easy on me? Stephen will probably either ignore everyone, or help dad, so there’s no in between.” 

“Oh you are going.”

 

“Heya Pete, how was school?”

Peter dropped his backpack on the ground next to the counter, and wordlessly grabbed the bagel from Clint’s hand, and began to eat it.

“That was my bagel. I could kill you for that.”

“No death threats before dinner.” Tony came into the room, and kicked Peter’s backpack into the corner. A little slip of paper fluttered out, and Tony grabbed it, read it, and smirked.

Peter realized what happened, and frantically grabbed at the paper, but it was already too late.

“Peter over here as a field trip.” Tony grabbed a pen, and signed the slip with a flourish. “Guess where it’s to?”

Bucky sprinted into the room, grabbed the bagel from Peter, who smacked him, and crouched on the back of a chair.

“On behalf of all of us,” Clint raised his eyebrows. “May I just ask, what the fuck?”

Now Steve ran into the room, Bucky yelped, and sprinted out the other exit, leaving the remaining people in the room slightly concerned.

“Don’t worry about them. Bucky took Steve’s favorite blanket, Steve’s trying to get it back.” Natasha pulled herself up onto the counter. “Is there anymore bagels?”

Tony looked outraged. “Steve’s favorite blanket is my favorite blanket!” Running after the two super soldiers, he yelled back to Peter: “Don’t think I’ve forgotten about that field trip!”

Natasha looked at Peter. “What’s this about a field trip?”

“Absolutely nothing! I, uh, have to go find Bruce?” Peter ran out of the room, hauling his backpack behind him.

“He’s got a field trip.” Clint dangled upside down from the cabinet. "To this tower."

“We’re going to embarrass him.”

“Definitely.”

 

“You two are such assholes.”

Steve blinked innocently down at Tony from where he was sketching, while Bucky just snorted, and flopped his arm Tony’s stomach.

“You come live in my home, and how do you repay me? You taking my fucking blanket.”

“Tones. We are married.” 

“My blanket.”

“Married.” 

Tony grumbled, and slid farther down, snuggling into Bucky’s arms, and whacking at Steve’s.

“Bed.”

“But I’m in the middle of this.”

“I can’t believe I’m the one to say this, but nope. Bedtime.”

“What time is it?”

“Three in the morning.”

“What?”

“Just go to beddddd.”

“Fine then.” Steve reached over and turned out the light, sliding down until he was level with the other two. 

“Night.”

“Love you.”

“Go. To. Bed.”

 

“Can I just not?”

“Suck it up, it’ll be funny for us.”

“MJ, why do you hate me like this.”

“Meh, I think it’ll be funny too.”

“Traitors. You’re both traitors.” Peter flopped back onto his seat, and glared at MJ and Ned. 

“Can everyone hear me?” Peter glanced up to see his teacher, Ms. Jones, standing at the front of the bus. “Has everyone signed the sign in sheet, so we can go? Anyone? Great! We should be to the tower in about ten minutes, so please, try not to loose anything.”

“It’s ten minutes, how much crap can we lose?”

 

“So apparently we can lose a lot of crap.” Peter sighed as he walked off the bus.

“Due, you’re the one who couldn’t find his phone.”

“Well, MJ was the one who’s pencils rolled across the bus!”

“We agreed not to speak of that.”

“And Hitler promised not to invade Czechoslovakia, MJ. Welcome to the real world.” 

“Kids!” Ms. Jones yelled, effectively interrupting their argument. “We’re going inside now, so please, for god’s sake, be respectful. Now go, and don’t destroy the place.”

“Did Steve put in the new painting of the tower yet? It looked really cool last time we saw it.”

“I think so, it should be by the main doors.”

The group of students walked into the building, and were immediately stopped by a tall woman wearing a suit. 

“Hey kids! Sorry we don’t have time to look around for a bit, but your tour had to be moved up on the schedule. I’m Kate, by the way.” Kate glanced around the group, saw Peter, Ned, and MJ, and smirked. Continuing, she said, “I’m going to give you all passes to get through security. Our Head of Security, Happy, is very particular about it.” She began to pass out badges, continuing to talk while she did so. 

“There are three main levels of passes, Alpha, Beta, and Omega. There are three levels within those categories. The omega levels are for visitors and our cleaning staff. You will be getting Omega Level One passes, enough to get you into certain rooms, as long as I’m with you. The Beta levels are for our interns, and most of our staff. Then we have the Alpha levels, which are reserved for the Avengers and their families. Alpha three, the highest you can go, is reserved only for Tony Stark’s family, and Pepper Potts, the CEO.”

Peter glanced frantically at MJ and Ned. “I’ve got Alpha Three! What do I do?”

Ned looked similarly worried. “Me and MJ both have Beta level Threes. Do you think anyone will notice?”

“Friday announces anyone Beta and up. She’ll notify my dads that I’m here, too.”

“We’re fucked.”

“Yep.”

“Hey, Penis Parker! Bet you don’t even have a badge. Ready to show us that you were lying about the internship the entire time?”

“Fuck off, Flash,” Peter mumbled.

“Can everyone come up to get their passes, and then file through the detector? Make sure you go through the one that says Visitors, please.”

Peter slipped to the back of the group, MJ and Ned following. As Peter tried to sneak past Kate, she glanced over, and grinned again. 

“Oh no, Peter, Ned, MJ. I believe you three all have passes?” When they nodded, she smiled even more. “Then go on through the other detector.”

“You’re awful.”

“I know. Now go!”

Peter walked very quickly over to the detector, hoping that if he was quick, no one would notice. 

“Parker! I think you’re at the wrong one!” Peter looked over to see Flash laughing with his friends. Instead of answering, Peter scanned his pass, and walked through, MJ after him, and then Ned.

“Peter Parker, Alpha Level Three. Welcome back, Peter. I’ll inform Mr. Stark, Rogers, and Barnes that you are here.”

“Fuck.”

“Michelle Jones, Beta Level Three. Welcome back, MJ.”

“Ned Leeds, Beta Level Three. Welcome back, Ted.”

“Goddamnit, I thought he promised he wouldn’t tell FRIDAY to call me that.”

“You and I both know he was lying.”

“Well, I still hoped.”

Running over to join their class, they were met with looks of disbelief. 

Kate jogged through, FRIDAY in the background: “Kate Harkness, Beta Level Three. Welcome back Kate.”

“Okay kids, let’s get going!”

Peter, MJ, and Ned all fell to the back of the group, where Flash met them. “Hey, Penis, who’s dick did you s-”

Peter sidestepped away, while Ned, and MJ stopped walking. From the vents jumped a large, purple blur, screaming at the top of it’s lungs.

“Clint, why.”

Clint jumped up, dusting himself off. “I heard you were here. FRIDAY made the lovely decision to announce it to our whole floor.”

Peter went visibly white. “Who’s here, and who’s coming?” 

“Well, Tony, Steve, and Bucky were all in Tony’s workshop, something about Bucky’s arm, so they’ll be along at some point. Or in R&D, one or the other. Nat’s coming soon, Bruce is probably on the R&D floor, so he’ll show up when you visit those labs. Wanda, Stephen, and Loki are all practicing their magic, so you can bet they’re going to do something annoying, and Thor is currently in New Asgard, he left right after you did, so we’ll see.”

“So, everyone then.”

“Yep!”

“Shit.”

“Language!”

“Peter!” Kate called from down the hall. “Ned, MJ! We’re going to the R&D labs, come on!”

“Go on, enjoy the tour!”


	2. steve is a dramatic little shit

“And this is the Research and Development floor, consisting of large lab spaces. We have a group of high level interns over there,” Kate pointed to the closest lab table. “Where Dr. Banner is helping them. Hi!”

Bruce looked up, saw the group, saw Peter, and laughed. “Hello! I’m just helping them with developing a way to slow the rate of cancerous cell replication down astronomically. We’re almost there, it’s an interesting process, we're working with pro-oncogenes and tumor suppressant genes. Oh, and Peter, did Clint tell you where Tony, Steve, and Bucky are?”

“He said either the usual lab, or down here.”

“Well, they’re down here. Good luck!”

“Can’t you do anything?”

“Nope.”

“Can you make them leave?”

“Nope.”

“Fuck.”

“Cap, he said a bad language word!”

Without turning around to see who it was, who was laughing hysterically, Peter slid in front of Ned, who promptly turned him around, to face his fathers.

“Heya kid, you ignoring us?” Tony slung his arm around him. “I should certainly hope not.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be in school?” Peter looked at Steve incredulously, before seeing the glint of laughter there. “Oh, is this your school group?”

Said group of kids was staring, mouths open at the scene before them(Flash looked like he might pass out). Tony, with his arm around Peter’s shoulders, Ned laughing with Bucky(probably about Peter), who had his arm around Steve, and MJ talking a mile a minute to Steve about the techniques he had used on the sketch that he was currently holding.

“What pencil did you use for that shading? I’ve tried to get that effect before, but it always comes out too smudged.”

“Usually I use a 5B, I can smudge it, but it’s not as soft as an 8B.”

“He was not!”

“He was too, you haven’t lived until you walk into the kitchen at three in the morning to see a spider child on the ceiling, eating cake.”

“Did you finish the slingers?”

“Yeah, now I can make them electric!”

“Peter, no.”

“Tony, what are you not doing?”

“The green city plans?”

“And what should you be doing?”

“The green city plans?”

“Good job, Tones. Consider doing them before the deadline.” Pepper strode into the department, tapping on a StarkPad as she went. “Hello, Peter.” She bent down to kiss his forehead, before straightening up, and noticing the class, who, if anything, looked even more shocked about the recent developments.

“Do you-”

“Is that-”

“He wasn’t lying?”

“Oh, he’s definitely lying. There’s no way Penny Parker could actually work here. I wonder who’s dick she had to suck to get them to fake liking her.”

Peter, with his sensitive hearing, could just hear Flash’s comment, and could feel his breathing start to pick up. Steve and Bucky, super soldiers that they were, also heard Flash, saw Peter, and made a decision. Steve grabbed Tony’s arm, and Bucky gently pulled Peter away, down the hall, and into the elevator, Steve and Tony close behind. 

“Okay Peter, breathe with me, okay?” Steve crouched down in front of Peter. Tony pulled out his phone, sending off a text to Kate, to tell Ms. Jones that Peter will not be returning, and there will be a meeting with Principal Morita very soon, dammit. Bucky hit the button for their floor, sending off a text of his own.

 

Bucky Barnes  
-Anyone who’s available, I need you to go downstairs to the tour, and scare the fuck out of the kid named Flash Thompson

Natasha Romanov  
-What the fuck did he do this time

Clint Barton  
-Okay, I hate the kid

Stephen Strange  
-Did he hurt Peter in any way? 

Loki Laufeyson  
-I will murder him

Thor Odinson  
-No murdering, brother. But yes, I will too

Bruce Banner  
-I’m down there now, everyone meet me there?

Wanda Maximoff  
-Me and Vision are on our way. Care to tell us what happened?

Bucky Barnes  
-He deadnamed Peter, continued to bully him, using possibly(I’d have to check with Steve or Peter), transphobic words

Loki Laufeyson  
-Yep, gonna murder him

Natasha Romanov  
-I’ve got my taser, let’s do this

 

Bucky slipped his phone into his pocket, and slide down the wall next to Peter, not doing anything but offering his presence.

“He-he called me, he called me-”

“I know, Pete, don’t say the name, just keep breathing. With me, okay? Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.”

The elevator dinged, and the doors slid open. Peter tried to stand up, fell back down again, so before he could try again, Steve and Tony pulled him up. Bucky ran ahead to get blankets, while Peter was lead over to the couch. Bucky came back with blankets, and they all piled them on top of each other, creating a rather large pile of fluff. Peter himself flopped over, onto Tony’s lap, tucking his nose against Tony's neck. Tony rubbed Peter’s back, and Steve and Bucky arranged themselves, so it was almost a Peter sandwich.

“I hate him.” Peter’s voice was muffled.

“He’s a dick.”

“An asshole.”

“Language!”

“Steve Rogers, I am disowning you on behave of Brooklyn, you swear in your sleep.”

“You do. Not gonna lie.”

“I do not.”

“You do too. I once heard you go, I’ll beat up those motherfucking bitches.”

“One time.”

Peter snorted, and the three men looked down at him.

“How dare you laugh at my suffering.”

“No, no, continue to laugh at, what did you call it, Stevie? Suffering?”

“This is cruel and unusual punishment.”

“Steve, you are so dramatic.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> akjhsfk sorry this took so long archive was being a bitch about uploading this
> 
>  
> 
> at this point ive given up on canon sigh

The class still had over two hours left of the tour, and after Peter left, and Ned and MJ went to go find Pepper, they all went over to the gym, to try and train a bit with the remaining members of the team.

There were a few stations, each run by a group of the Avengers. Loki, Wanda, and Stephen had one specifically for magic. Loki could sense who had the most potential and would call them over. After a while, the student could summon a ball of light that at most would light their way. In a rare moment of generosity, Hank Pym had let Scott and Hope bring two of the extra suits, so there was a small flock of Wasps and Ant-mans. Thor, Rhodey, and Sam were doing more traditional fighting tactics, teaching the kids how to defend themselves, whereas Natasha was teaching them martial arts with Clint. Thor had brought his hammer and was laughing while the students tried, and failed, to lift it.

“Has anyone seen Tony?” Clint muttered to Natasha. “Or Steve, or Bucky, or Peter, for that matter?”

“I got a text like two minutes ago, they’re on their way.”

“Do we get to beat up that Flash kid?”

“Of course. I promised them I’d wait until they got here.”

“If you beat up the kid, we could get sued. Attempt to scare him psychologically instead.” Rhodey had heard what the pair had said, and secretly supported the whole idea. 

“Heya kids! Has anyone been able to lift the hammer?” Tony and Bucky strolled into the room and stopped by Natasha. “I’m sure one of you is, what was it, Thor? Worthy?”

“Indeed, my friend. Only those who are worthy can lift my hammer.”

“Great!”

Natasha and Clint sidled over to Tony and Bucky, simultaneously watching as MJ and Ned slid back into the room, and went over to Loki.

“Where the fuck is Steve and Peter?” Clint murmured.

“They’re still up on our floor. Neither of them wants to come down that much. I think Stevie’s exact words were, ‘He doesn’t deserve anything from us.’” Bucky looked grimly joyful. “How soon can we aggravate this kid?”

“Well, I’m pretty sure MJ can lift the hammer. Shall we bait him?”

“No baiting.” Tony marched up. “It’ll happen on its own, look.”

Flash had wandered over to Thor and was right in front of MJ to lift the hammer.

“I hope he chokes,” Natasha said contemplatively. 

“Tasha!”

“Fine.”

The group watched with interest as Flash marched up to try and lift the hammer. And failed. Spectacularly. He had tried to grab it with one hand, and it didn’t even budge. He then tried two hands, bracing his feet. Instead of the hammer moving, he instead fell on his ass. MJ snicked behind him, and he twisted to leer up at her. “I’d like to see you do any better.”

“Okay.” MJ walked up to the hammer and grinned at Thor, who grinned back. She then loosely grabbed the handle and lifted. The hammer came up smoothly, and she turned around to Flash, brandishing the hammer.

“What was that about me doing any better?”

This was where Bucky paid extra attention, listening very closely for Flash’s muttered response.

“You cheated, there’s no way a girl could lift Thor’s hammer. I bet Penny Parker made them help you.” He tilted his head. “Or did you suck their dicks too?”

“What was that?” Bucky, Tony, Natasha, and Clint were upon him. 

“A girl?” Pepper was upon him now, too, arm slung around Natasha’s shoulders.

“What did you call Peter?” Tony was dangerously close to harming Flash.

“Nothing?”

“Oh, that’s not correct. I heard you say something quite different.” Bucky was flicking a knife up and down in his hand.

“I’m sorry?” Flash squeaked.

“How much time does this bastar-kid have on the field trip?”

“An hour and a half.” Pepper glared at Flash, who flinched back at the combined fury of Pepper Potts and Natasha Romanoff.

“Aw, cute that you think you’ll be here any longer. Let’s go. Kate?”

Kate jogged over and raised her eyebrows. “Can you escort this kid down to the lobby? He can wait there with his teacher.”

“Sure.”

The was a muffled cheer from Ned, and Loki was looking entirely too satisfied. 

“Lokes, what the fuck?”

“Nothing you need to know.”

 

“They’re all gone, ‘cept for Ted and MJ, who are helping out Brucie Bear in R&D. That asshole will have some hell coming for him.” The group marched onto Tony’s floor, minus Natasha and Pepper, who had gone up fifteen minutes before, to check on Steve and Peter.

“Everyone shut the fuck up.” Bucky was grinning at the scene in front of him. 

Steve and Peter were wearing matching hoodies and wrapped in blankets. Steve lying flat on his back on the couch, passed out, hand dangling over the edge, while Peter was lying on top of Steve, in full out octopus mode. Natasha and Pepper seemed to have made it upstairs, and that would be about it. The pair were curled around each other on the couch, Natasha’s hand draped over Pepper’s hip, and Pepper’s palm pressed over Natasha’s heart.

“They’re too adorable. Take a picture.”

Tony pulled out his phone and snapped a few from every side. “They’re gonna hate us.”

“Worth it once they see that Natasha is drooling just a bit.”

“‘M not. Shut the fuck up.” The team turned in alarm to see Natasha blinking blearily at them.

“Run! Everyone for themselves!”


End file.
